Trials and Tribulations

I have always imagined what my "poster" life would be like. You know the one you dream about and anytime someone asks, "So where do you see yourself in 15 years?" You automatically think about this image. Well for some, me, this is no longer and image but a dream! I have always pictured this imagination since I was about 12 I think. The first time I entered the temple was when I really started to create details.

Well certain mortal obstacles have gotten in the way of that imagination. My dreams are no longer hand-in-hand with an amazingly beautiful daughter of God. All I can see is disappointments and death. But the death I am imagining is not a physical, but a death of my self-worth. A crushing of any dream or plan, I, had. But then again when do things ever turn out the way we plan?

I have personally learned, in the last few weeks, that God knows what he is doing. We should never doubt that! I have learned that in a more painful way. Again, not so much in a physical way, but I am morally hurt.

I have been waiting for about 1 year to go on a mission, and for about 1 week I was so close I could taste it. I was done with all the interviews and had all those dreadful Doctor appointments out of the way and I was there!

So what would you do, umm tell everyone you know right! Yep and guess what I did! I had the guest list for the opening of the call, and one of my favorite parts, the temple! Then I got the call.

There was a misunderstanding and I still had 30 pounds left to loose!

So I was a freaking WRECK! I didn't want to do anything. All I felt like doing was throwing up and then going and EATING everything I could. It was quite a bad few weeks.

So after a gaining of humility and 5 more pounds I could eventually no feel anything and could think again.

Church was one of the hardest things to deal with, everyone was so excited and asked questions, I was about ready to cry. Everything made me think about how much of an unworthy failure I was. I have so many friends that were supposed to be leaving when I was reaching my half way mark, now I will be leaving by their half way mark!

Things got better and I realized that I am not in this alone and there are so many people that want to help. They will also be the one to make the journey that much more enjoyable!

To mention one person in particular:

Bear,

You have NO Idea how much our talks and your words change my life. I don't think I would be trying as hard as I am today if I didn't know you. You are such a dazzling daughter of God. You will always have a place in my heart! I will never forget all you have done for me! Thank you!

-Po